mmmmm I found 12 new things I can’t wait to sink my teeth into!

http://www.popcrunch.com/12-of-the-most-disgusting-delicacies/

When there’s Smoke….

Smelled smoke, and was getting worried.  Thought maybe Cunts was having an identity crisis and decided to perm or hot curl her hair.  That’s when the sirens started.  I looked out my window to see smoke, 2 fire trucks, and ambulance and a giant ladder being pushed up toward our floor.  I grabbed my necessities (laptop cellphone, glasses and wallet) posted a twat and left (just kidding I got cunts don’t worry).  Anyway, we walked to C-Town and came back to find out from the people across the street that someone started a fire either on the communal roof or up on the private “we can afford our own private roof and you lowly people aren’t allowed up here” area. Some moron either set the BBQs on fire or put the coals/something on fire in the trash cans and caught them on fire.  Needless to say Sunday BBQs will probably have some restrictions in the future because of these geniuses.

-Douche

Cunt’s comics about eating weren’t the half of it.  It got to the point where I left the room when he ate because it was so disgusting.  he licks his plate clean after wiping it with his fingers and licking them clean. 

We lost count so we’ll just pretend it’s the final load. And by final I mean he came back several times for more and later text me at work after our new roommate moved in to come pick up more shit.  Oh and let’s not forget another trip because he forgot his umbrella….gotta come back for the standard corner newstand issued nyc black umbrella.

Load # 6

All My life I’m a Dickheeeeeaaaad!

So this is Ethan’s laundry basket. Notice it is the size of our small trash can all of which you can compare to the gallon milk jug left on the ground.

In the two month’s he’s lived here this is the second load he’s done, and his largest.  He wants clean clothes before moving into his new fancy crib yo!  the majority of the load is his 2 towels he has only washed once in the duration of his stay.  He’s washing his hoodie he wears around the apartment and well, I can;t help but notice none of his jogging clothes, two green tees nor the brown paper bag filled with dirty socks are in here.  Where are his dirty boxers and other underwear?  Inquiring germaphobes (me) want to know!

-Douche “I feel itchy just thinking about him” McGregor

Trip #4 of Ethan moving his shit out of the apartment. Yes, I’m sure your wondering “dear God’s how does an epic waste of life move out of a fabulous Brooklyn apartment over to Alphabet city?”  Well if you’re a moron like Ethan, very slowly.  He is taking everything on the subway again in loads big enough for him to drop in unsuspecting MTA passanger’s laps on the subway.

He’s finally moved out but I am just getting to the details.  One week prior to moving out, he came to me and said “hey so uhm… I guess can you just let your new person moving in that I am going to wash the bedding for him so they are clean when he gets here. I really want everything to go smoothly so I will just do that for him”.

Hmmm. 1. He waited 2 months to wash the sheets I let him use on MY BED in his room.  2. He did not was the top sheet, just the fitted, nor did he wash the mattress cover that zips on the bed, which he slept directly on several times. 3. After washing the fitted sheet, he slept on it for another week before moving out, expecting that to be clean enough for our new roommate. 4. Said sheets, are now residing in a landfill somewhere in Staten Island.

-Douche McGregor

The Sleeper Chronicles: Are you noticing a trend?

Sorry for the delay in updates folks, I’ve been busy and I’m catchign up on my old incognegro photos.  Notice he only owns two green t-shits and a hoodie. We keep our comics accurate!

Not kidding. He told me he used to work in a Mexican restaurant and they would let you order off the menu, and one of the options was a Cuitlacoche burrito, and he would just eat TONS of them. Every day. I’m an adventurous eater, but I have my limits. Mold belongs on cheese, friends (but hold the maggots).

-Cunts McGhee